Focus:
On our intuition (or “instincts” if you like that word better) and allowing it to guide us and releasing the desire to follow the urgent directions of our dysregulated nervous system.
Repetition:
I was gifted intuition (or instincts).
I KNOW the voice that was placed so lovingly within me to help guide me through my day.
I will learn to listen to my gifted voice instead of the voice of urgency which is in opposition to love and healing.
My Healing Story
This week will just be our personal healing story, and though I will be gentle with the details, you may not want to read this if your nervous system is still quite sensitive. You can always come back and read it after healing has taken place.
My childhood was very difficult, with many forms of extreme abuse, neglect and trauma. My parents were very sick, I now understand. Through this journey I have come to have so much compassion and love for them both.
I left home as a young teenager, through my window in the middle of the night. I experienced homelessness and began to choose a difficult life for myself. I saw myself as unworthy of love and deserving of punishment, and my early life experiences speak loudly of both.
By the time I found myself pregnant, I was married, though it was not a proper marriage. My son’s father and I were not healthy people. Though we were both doing the best we could with the tools we had, we made a chaotic life for ourselves. I also now have great compassion and love for my past self because of this beautiful healing path.
Pagiel
I thought I was unable to have children as a result of my experiences as a younger girl. When I was 26 years old, I went to the doctor because I was absolutely positive I had some terrible digestive illness. I was very emotional and had a lot of back pain. The physician I chose was a woman with a new practice. She asked if I could be pregnant, and of course I told her, “no.” Surely it was impossible! She replied that she would not charge me for the visit, and told me to go home and take a pregnancy test in the morning. Pagiel’s father quietly said he had one hiding in our bathroom. Basically, everyone knew but me!
I was actually scared, and I did not want to be hopeful or think of the possibility that I could ever be gifted a child. That evening, in my bed, my mind began to reel. This could not be true! I became afraid. I reached onto my nightstand to grab my new bible. I had, in the past year, tried to become closer to God, though I felt entirely unworthy. My mom had given me a burgundy bible with my name embossed in gold print, as many Southern readers will recognise in their mind’s eye. I opened it with the quick prayer, “give me a sign,” and there was my son’s name, as if it was written in bold print: “PAGIEL.” I knew I was pregnant, and he was a boy.
I took multiple tests in the morning where the line displaying “pregnant” showed before the “test” line. After going to the doctor for prenatal care, I found out I was 17 and a half weeks along. Pagiel was born with a birthmark of a “P” on his thigh. His name means “God’s intervention.”
Pagiel’s father and I did not stay married, and it was a tumultuous divorce and relationship for many years after. (We have a good relationship now.) I did not handle the divorce well and was very fragile and reactive. I could not find my place in the world, I could not hold a job for more than a couple of years, and I often had breakdowns that could last for days. My sweet little son was born into a tough situation, and his little nervous system was already dysregulated when he was born. We moved frequently, and I always thought the next change would be the one that made everything better.
A Traumatic Brain Injury
When my son was 14, he attempted suicide. He became a bilateral, SIGSW survivor. He lost his sight. But he was alive — his vitals stayed normal, and he never lost consciousness until the emergency room doctors placed him in a medically induced coma. In fact, the surgeon told me he was a very polite young man.
Pagiel recovered beautifully from his traumatic brain injury. I learned as much as I could about the brain and how it heals, and we did a pretty good job in that area. I worked very hard to find resources to teach my son how to be the best blind guy ever. He went to multiple camps, teaching retreats, and conferences for the blind and schools, and even received a personal phone call from Daniel Kish, a world-famous echolocation instructor. He went to a school in Minneapolis, MN, where he was dropped off away from the school and had to make his way back on his own without using technology. He cooked for 40 people and lived on his own, walking to school every day and to any stores he needed to go to. He began a job at another school he attended, teaching the blind how to use their cell phones and computers.
He was doing well in a lot of ways, but his gut health was declining rapidly and his autism was getting much worse. Pagiel was diagnosed with autism at age 20. I did not realise he had autism because I had it as well, and most autistic behaviours seemed perfectly normal to me. Pagiel was very emotionally reactive, and you really could not get through a day without him having a meltdown. He screamed at people on the street who asked if he needed help, and he was growing angrier by the day.
A New Marriage
I am now happily married to the strongest, most kind and patient man. We were friends and co-workers for 6 years before we married. His integrity was the most attractive thing I had ever seen. He has been amazing for Pagiel as well.
Covid and Bacterial Meningitis
In 2023, Pagiel went to visit his family in South Carolina — he flew out on his own. While he was there, he came down with Covid and bacterial meningitis, which can be deadly if not treated quickly. He was placed on life support and in the ICU for 4 days, in isolation for 10 days total. We live in Georgia, so we stayed at a beautiful campground by a lake and visited every day — we could only look at him through a glass for 10 minutes or so. When we finally could see him in his room and out of isolation, he was desperately thin and had no memory. We were able to take him home after two weeks of antibiotics were finished. After 4 days at home, we had to go to the ER for a catheter issue. This is when we found out he still had the bacterial meningitis in his cerebral spinal fluid, and he had sepsis. We had another two weeks of high-potency antibiotics and many doses of broad-spectrum antibiotics.
I now know Pagiel had Dysautonomia, POTS, and was incredibly depleted from his medicines. He had recurring nightmares from the hospital, slept 18 hours a day, and had no idea who we were. He could not take more than a few steps unaided, and could not lift a pint of water more than 5 times. He had a catheter in for a month and a half and did not know when he needed to have a bowel movement — he did not recognise the need for it. We could never get a follow-up with a neurologist despite trying many times, and his general practitioner suddenly left his practice with no one to take his place. I know a closed door when I hear one slam 75 times in a row!
Discovering Natural Healing
I was already interested in natural healing and real food. I had been bitten by a wolf when I was 35 and healed the gangrene that set in 3 days later with crushed garlic and wild onions. I was interested but not dedicated to learning until my son was left like a hollow person, as if he had been wiped clean of who he was and everything he had ever done.
I reached out on a Weston A. Price Facebook group and listed his symptoms, asking if anyone had any suggestions. My now dear friend Lisa invited me to her office to tell me about an intensive gut-healing diet. I bought the books needed, made an appointment with Becky Plotner, made two weeks’ worth of meat stock, 6 gallons of kraut juice, yoghurt, kefir and cultured cream, and tossed all “no-no” foods from our pantry. By the time my appointment with Becky arrived, I already knew most of what she was telling me. She was amazed that I had all our food ready, and she lovingly demanded I become a naturopath and join her in her office in the future. I think she is proud of me.
Healing as a Family
We began this healing diet as a family. I found out I did not know much at all about diet, and that I was experiencing Dysautonomia as well. After a lifetime of constant trauma, I was depleted. I experienced all the fun die-off symptoms — three days of flu-like symptoms, a crazy rash, extreme nausea every night for a year and a half, hypoglycaemia, melancholy, and my hair fell out in gobs every day. Some days I just thought I would not be able to go another day. But I learned, when Pagiel was in the hospital after his attempt, that you can take life 5 minutes at a time if you need to.
And we healed. We ate the food. We did it all wrong in the beginning. I learned as I went, I adjusted when I needed to, and we just kept healing. My husband lost 60 lbs, and Pagiel gained a much-needed 30 on the same foods.
We reversed POTS quickly, even though I had no idea what it was at the time. We reversed thyroid illness, difficult autism symptoms, acidosis, chronic constipation, Dysautonomia, depression, anxiety, emotional reactivity, CPTSD, severe nose/finger picking; we released metals and parasites, and reversed arrhythmia, histamine issues, intrusive thoughts, shame and guilt, impatience, irritability, and “autistic rage.”
Finding Mary Ruddick
I studied every book on gut healing I could find, I took online classes, I listened to podcasts — I could not stop devouring information. When I discovered Mary Ruddick, we absolutely leveled up! First, I listened to every podcast she had and took notes on everything she said. I knew I wanted to help others, and how to approach it, because of her! Then my son was approved to enter her Long Covid study — it was a miracle, and we would not be where we are without her wisdom and knowledge.
Ketosis was crucial for both of us because we cannot use glucose for fuel, which is common in those with Dysautonomia. We were able to meet with Mary for 4 hours per week in a group setting, where she just gave us the most wonderful information. Our morning routines were perfected, I came out of a constant state of acidosis, and we both improved exponentially — I believe we are both in remission at this time. The nervous system work we learned to incorporate was invaluable and worked so quickly, I can only assume because our nutrition had been so good for so long. We learned about intracellular testing, and both had tests done so we could address our cellular deficiencies.
Pagiel is waiting on his apartment to open up, because he will be able to live on his own, manage his own health, and live a life of service to others — busking and making bad dad jokes until it is his actual time to get out of here. Obviously God has told him “no, you cannot come home until all your work is done” three times already!
The Birth of ARP
I knew I wanted to share what we had learned with as many people as I could. We are fearfully and wonderfully made — we are made to regenerate until the batteries run out and it is time to go home. I want every soul to at least have the knowledge, and they can choose to do what they will with it. I started posting about our healing journey when we started, and I learned millions had healed using whole-foods approaches alone — not to mention keto, paleo, carnivore, etc. After finding Mary’s work, I knew I had found the bottom of the rabbit hole! She once said in a podcast that she wanted to find a way to get her information into everyone’s household. That is how the Ancestral Regeneration Protocol was born.
Pagiel and I always joke, “I love you because AND despite.” And that is what we are all doing now, together — healing because AND despite.